reruns

mmmm

It would be impossible to hate you,
no matter how hard I'd try
your touch is like a drug that gets me high
Your love clouds my head and intoxicates me
You're helping me become the person I always wanted to be
Everything about you drives me crazy
You make my thoughts confusing and hazy
The littlest thing you do can bring a smile to my face,
Just one kiss from you, and my pain is erased
I wish I didn't love you as much as I do,
Why can't I just not have any feelings for you?
These emotions are way too intense,
and none of this makes that much sense...
Because I always tried not to let myself get attached to anyone at all,
you messed up my plans and made me fall.

Finding calmness within......

I stare into the wall, trying to forget it all.
Look at the floor, please no more.
A dot in the sky, oh just let me fly.
I squeeze my thumbs, nail my arms.
Jaws shut thight, yes again one more night.
Eyes all red I wish I was dead.


The lonely twosome.

I speak the language of cirkels.
My lips form an O.
My mind shift in forms like clouds move in the sky.
Emotions dived themselfs, like small waves on the ocean.
Barely visual for the untrained eye, subtle but strong beyond belief.
I remember things but forget so easy.
What is one moment is not the next.
I live but with no real respect for life.
Death allures me more, for peace of mind is the song of my heart.

You speak the language of the squares.
Mouth move in a stream of words.
Your mind is clear like ice and sometimes just as hard.
Your emotions are all the same, rested on firm belife.
One truth you have and you never forget.
Shift you do but never for me.
Life is your all because when you die your dead with no more to come.

Togehter we´re lonesome.
Apart it´s all the same.
It could be perfect but also a game.
We choose...

Today is one less day of my life

To make love is easy haha and to have sex is
fucking! hard lalala.......
So hard I feel nothing, hard so I feel unhuman. Hard so I hate myself with every come.
Feelings should not be spoken in words today. So fuck me hard and then leave me to die. Then I can love love love forever high. Today is one less day of my life.
http://open.spotify.com/track/2kZVhrdxG7BEIsyrTJYdq9

Choices you make.

When you choose me for me. Because that´s all you can see. I am all you would feel, I am all you would need. Then it´s ok. Trust all the way. Like a piano playing perfect tunes, like a harp just so in tuned. But once you let the poison into your life, breathe, joke, poke more, more and more just so you somehow can score....
Even if just to make you feel, a little bit more real. Itch, bitch, squirm, turn make yourself urn. Don´t use me as something sound, protective and safe from harm. Cause charm you I will, but not one moment....more.
Feel you want and you me haunt. But unless you try on your own to break free from your chains, pains and with no heart gains! Surrender you must and then you have to learn to trust!!!! and to move on, to the unknown.

Lies

Sometimes you see, no I see something so fast, just a movement, a flicker in the eye, a sigh, a half breath something that happens but somehow will never last. When I see it I know a lie is not far away. But like someone with no proff. I will turn around sigh and say lie lie lie.

Trött trasgi och almänt ledsen.

Det finns så mycket i huvudet. Det finns så mycket smärta. Och i tankarna bor genomtänkta saker. Där inne i huvudet. Sen pumpa hjärtat på dörren. Sen klev han in och slog två slag.
Inte en grej inte ett ord kommer ut rätt, efter det.

Efter det! Att visa saknad, att visa sorg blir bara kaos.... Inget bra blir sagt inget bra blir gjort. Det gör ont man skriker, gråter, bönar och ber. Man lyfter ifrån sig själv. Man tittar ner på sin kropp i från ovan, ser något litet, ser sorgen, ser hatet, ser ilskan ser missförstånden man ser det man inte vill se.
Men inget kan man göra, armar och ben blir till gele och sen kan man inte se. Sen kan man inte se....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WcWHZc8s2I

Don`t fuck with me just make love to me.

longing for the one

midsummer sadness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-me-Ts7p9k

back up I am back up

An old post for Mcqueen, may he rest in peace.

Don`t underestimate.

Fragments of heaven is still heaven.
Broken hearts are still beating.
A shattered mind is still thinking.
You take half a breath, your still breathing.
One word said can mean a million.
My life is also your life.
Respect it all.

Big Big Badaboom

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fII9hH2UH8o&feature=PlayList&p=E0F924624EE38C00&index=0

the fifth element

wild things in a zoo do what we where ment to do

aren´t humans animals too
wild creatures
why do we lock ourself in our self made zoo

in houses, clothes, thoughts of how we think we should be
no wonder in the end we try to break free
cracy things we do

like running with knifes and fire in our paws
clawing at the laws

maybe we should just except it as a game
scream out naked and raw in to the night

running wild won´t kill the child
it will live for ever
for it is our natural way to move in life

batwing me

massive attack/ paridise circus / heligoland

http://open.spotify.com/track/6rU0dLXyWbXqti69nrQP4H
It's unfortunate that when we feel a storm
we can roll ourselves over 'cause we're uncomfortable
oh where the devil makes us sin
but we like it when we're spinning in his grip.

It's unfortunate that when we feel a storm
we can roll ourselves over when we're uncomfortable
oh well the devil makes us sin
but we like it when we're spinning in his grip.

Love is like a sin my love
For the one that feels it the most
Look at her with a smile like a flame
She will love you like a fly will never love you, again

open hand, little hand

Yesterday my daguther grew up a little bit more.
No more holding hands in public....

In a way I love the course life takes as you grow up, it´s amazing.
Then there is the side that thinks oh how fast it goes and missing the little girl she was.

My much younger friend and one of those who has grown upp already, ( soon he will be a great known photografer) , said to me, in the years coming she will want to hold your hand again.

Yes he is right and I know I will keep my hand open for her always, it´s like that story...
If you want to keep water in your hand you have to keep it open, if you hold on to it and close the hand it spills out and you loose it..

sick as fuck

Well I am sick, been so for a week.
It ´s like every thought feeling I have gets suffocated by all the nasty things in my nose and head.
I am NEVER sick so when I get sick it´s bad, and I feel like I am going to die from a cold...
Silly.

The only thing to do is to lie still and not do anything, but that is so hard and boring...

inside outside same same but diffrent

I sit and drink my mid day cappucino.
I look out at people walking by and children laughing in the snow....
while on the other side of the world people/ children are fighting for their lives and feeling their loss.
This is all happening at the same time. Even though it´s hard to get it you kind of expect it to be that way, it´s always been parallel worlds with simultaneous things going on.

But I play with the thought and bring it inside me, my mind and body.
As I feel great after morning yoga, my body also aches of sweet pain, as I enjoy this quite moment, somewhere inside me I am processing sorrow and great anxiety. Not dominant at the moment but still very much there.

So as I think and look at the world around me I become very aware of the one inside.
It´s not that diffrent and somehow it becomes easier to grasp one when intuned with the other.

timeless is the only trend

krafs och mjau

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCmq1Bfu5j4

I had the best things to say,
nicest things.
Softest touch for you...
I could lick your body make you feel like a king.
Not always what came out not always what I did.
I am not proud of it all, but neither should you be.

I lost my mind, my heart with no sleep over you.
Maybe it will come back, yes it will.
But now I am not there....
I am nowhere.

Still in the end of it all it´s because Ifeel for you.
So fuck me in the right way if you want to fuck at all....

We hurt each other till one feels no more than hollowness.
Well at least that how it is for me.
Noone is better noone is worse, I have my truth and you should have yours.

There are so many thing you don´t know about me.
A fraction is what you see.

I am confusing, so many persons in one.
The whore, the virgin, the man worse than most men, the young girl who breaks with just one hard look.
I am the pure and the dirtiest shit. I can say no to everything but also take it all.
It´s not easy for you and it´s is not easy for me.

You see this picture I post with this text, that´s me as clear as I can be.
Unfocused but still you see, a flash to blind, sharp little face, nipples always hard.
Because life isn´t clear it takes you places you didn´t expect.
It´s hard to live and it´s hard to love.
But we have one life that we know of lets make it the best..

last days of christmas

ideas for jewlery

mmmm

It would be impossible to hate you,
no matter how hard I'd try
your touch is like a drug that gets me high
Your love clouds my head and intoxicates me
You're helping me become the person I always wanted to be
Everything about you drives me crazy
You make my thoughts confusing and hazy
The littlest thing you do can bring a smile to my face,
Just one kiss from you, and my pain is erased
I wish I didn't love you as much as I do,
Why can't I just not have any feelings for you?
These emotions are way too intense,
and none of this makes that much sense...
Because I always tried not to let myself get attached to anyone at all,
you messed up my plans and made me fall.

Sheding light on things.

When you write it´s easy to only focus on the negative parts of oneself and the life you lead.
As I read thru some of these scribbels it looks like the person I care most about only hurts me,
that is not true!

I am extremly difficult to be with, broken and sad.
So it ain´t easy for him.

I want to say that as dark as it might look to people on the outside.
He brings me more truth, patience than anyone I ever meet.

I miss him alot when he isn´t with me and it scares me to care for someone like that, and that makes me even more shifty in moods and thoughts.

I will try to be more positve this new year, to shed some good light on someone who actully
cares for me.

visa ord

:-) Awwwwwww...
Fan också, fina du.
Hajjar och hör dig.
Andas.
Önskar jag kunde säga dig att det inte var nåt fel på dig (oss),
och att vi inte var skadade av det som hänt.
Men risken är att vi faktiskt är kantstötta av det förflutna.
Hur som helst: FUCK IT.
Ena dan är man omöjlig, skitsvår att leva med, bortom frälsning och en fara för alla andra. Men nästa dag lyckas man ÅTSIDOSÄTTA EGOT
och äntligen få lite frid från sin självupptagenhet genom att BRY SIG OM DEN ANDRA.

I mitt fall är det oftast såhär:
- Allt jag gör i min relation verkar mer eller mindre såra den andre.
Jag är superegoist, surpuppa och enstöring.
Men så fort jag inser hur jävla fuckad jag är och vilket jävla mirakel det e att nån överhuvudtaget skulle vilja FÖRSÖKA vara hos mig, blir jag livrädd och ödmjukad.

Då lyckas jag (till och från) åtsidosätta min ständiga självupptagenhet och fokus på mina behov, min ensamhet, min uppfuckad-het osv.
och istället BRY MIG OM DEN JAG HAR I MIN NÄRHET.

Det är för fan en gåva att nån ens orkar med en...

Låt oss klappa lite på våra partners istället för att var så himla upptagna med våra egna inre processer.

När jag sedan åtsidosätter mig själv och bestämmer mig för att bry mig om den andra lite, då lossnar det.
Det KAN vara så enkelt. Klappa lite på den andre. Lägga en filt om den andre. Koka thé åt den andre... You know...

Även Buddhisterna säger att det är bättre att bry sig om nån annan än sig själv. You know it. You do it with Vera all the time.

Och det är en SÅÅÅÅÅN RELIEF FROM THE FUCKED UP SELF.

My gatekeeper

I knocked on heavens door and the gatekeeper let me in.
Surprised he said, yes I was.

He put his hand in mine and led me to a meadow.
Warm breeze in my hair, cool wind in my face.
Soft grass under my feet, smiling flowers curiously smelling me.

He sat me down whisperd in my ear me curving my neck to hear.
That is what heaven is about my girl.
He stod up walked away, I laid down and sleept with my eyes open and lips smiling.

when you go to that special place